TOMMY AFTERBIRTH
The Under Appreciated Rock Band of the Month for June 2016 is the Gynecologists, a truly wild, truly outrageous punk rock band from Indiana whose bandleader Tommy Afterbirth “came up with the idea of recording and pressing the vilest gross-out novelty record EVER”. Which of their 30-some songs he meant is difficult to know for certain – probably it was the one about The Brady Bunch that he was already working on, “Sex Orgy with the Bradee Bunch” (the misspelled name was probably used to avoid potential lawsuits). The boys used the record label name Vomit Productions for their first release, where the front cover included a photo of Tommy Afterbirth’s own dog’s poop.
The best info on the band comes from the voluminous liner notes written by John Barge for the compilation CD, Hoosier Psychopaths (2007); Barge had been in a punk rock band called the Panics. The original version of the liner notes – including the quote given above – appears on a website on Indiana music called www.musicalfamilytree.net .
Even by punk rock standards, the bandmembers’ names in the Gynecologists were inventive: bandleader and chief songwriter Tommy Afterbirth (lead vocals), John Wilkes Booth (keyboard player turned guitarist), Simon Scrotum (bass guitar – he was also an insurance salesman), and Milburn Drysdale (drums). Milburn Drysdale (played by Raymond Bailey) was the banker who lived next door to The Beverly Hillbillies family; in this classic sitcom that was filled to the brim with colorful characters, he was probably my favorite of them all. By the time that their 1984 release, A Goat . . . You Geek came out, the new bass guitarist named Kid Death (who is from Oregon) had improved their sound as a “a much more straight forward kick ass punk rock band”, as John Barge put it.
As far as I can tell, they only ever took one photograph of the Gynecologists; it is immediately identifiable from the stovepipe hat worn and the electric guitar held by the namesake of the real John Wilkes Booth who assassinated President Abraham Lincoln. Its first appearance was on the back cover of their debut release, Feces and Psychopaths, where the bandleader Tommy Afterbirth had the appellation “M.D.”.
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Tommy Afterbirth is credited with all of the deranged lyrics on the songs by the Gynecologists. Their cheesy covers of hit songs like “Brandy”, “Shape of Things to Come”, “We’re an American Band”, and “Ride Captain Ride” also suit their gonzo style; another song that they recorded was a 1973 hit by Bobby Womack called “Across 110th Street”.
Song lyrics are hard to come by on the Internet for songs by the Gynecologists, and what is being sung is usually hard to understand. John Barge quotes some of the song lyrics in his liner notes. For instance, “Ron and Nancy” imagines sexual antics not far removed from those envisioned in “Sex Orgy with the Bradee Bunch”: “Even Ed Meese got a piece!” In “Kent State”, Tommy Afterbirth sings: “Those traitors don’t even deserve a decent burial.” As Barge puts it: “Those who seek succor from politically correct song lyrics will find little sustenance here.”
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As taken from the John Barge liner notes about the Gynecologists: “The story begins in a small unnamed redneck town south of Indianapolis where Tommy [Afterbirth] grew up. Tommy’s gateway drug to punk rock was his father’s drive-in movie theater, which, along with such prosaic family fare like Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, thrilled the local yahoos with garish horror films and cheap psychedelic biker flicks during the sixties. From this Tommy learned to love the seedy underbelly of pop culture with a fixation that bordered on compulsive.”
Tommy Afterbirth has some notable milestones in his life besides the Gynecologists. He was quite the athlete in his younger days; he competed in a statewide basketball free-throw shooting contest, finishing in second place. The winner of that contest, Steve Alford is a true basketball legend who led the Indiana University Hoosiers to the 1987 national championship and was the school’s all-time leading scorer at the time. Alford currently serves as the coach of the UCLA Bruins, the position previously held by one of the greatest basketball coaches of all time, John Wooden.
Tommy Afterbirth also has an entrepreneurial spirit; while he was still in high school, he started a record store. He recruited the other bandmembers in the Gynecologists from a local heavy metal band called Stone Edge; they were mostly a covers band but had one original song to their credit, a put-down number called “Dog Face” that was included on the first release by the Gynecologists. Tommy even convinced a local minister to loan them a reel-to-reel tape recorder and a synthesizer for their first recording sessions.
Tommy Afterbirth has surprising connections to the Republican Party and actually served as an official delegate to the 1976 and 1980 Republican National Conventions. Although he and his family were on the receiving end of some of his band’s songs – such as “Ron and Nancy”, “Young Ron” and “Nancy Reagan on Crack” – Tommy Afterbirth boasted of having shaken hands with future President Ronald Reagan on two occasions; and, while at the 1976 Republican National Convention, he bought a beer for future President George H. W. Bush. The name of their third release, Kinder, Gentler Nation (1989) is taken from Bush’s acceptance speech at the 1988 Republican National Convention. For one album cover, they even went so far as to paste Nancy Reagan’s head on . . . oh, never mind. Then again, their feelings about the other party are apparent in their song, “Democrats Suck Donkey Dicks”.
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The omission of “Sally Struthers’ Tears” is particularly surprising, since it is one of my favorites by the Gynecologists (along with “Across 110th Street”). After her run on All in the Family, Sally Struthers made a series of commercials for the Christian Children’s Fund charity where she would often be shown crying. Despite the mercilessly mocking tone of the song, Tommy Afterbirth manages to capture the way she would plead for help for these children at a cost of “pennies a day”.
(June 2016)
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Items: Tommy Afterbirth
